Much to the dismay of millions, Microsoft went ahead with its new Xbox announcement today. The announcement has been nothing short of a rousing success for anyone that buys video game consoles to watch television. After revealing that the new system would be called Xbox One for some reason, the company spent the first 30 minutes of their time talking about football and yelling at your TV. The crowd roared in excitement.
…well, some of the crowd at least.
Image shamelessly stolen from the NeoGaf.
The members of the gaming press acted like complete losers and didn’t know what was good for them. Much like a meeting for a pyramid scheme though, the applause of the informed, came from the back of the room.
The fact is, Microsoft knows what you want. You want your Xbox to force Kinect on you. You want it to be about television. You want it to play Call of Duty, Madden, and Halo: The television series. You want it to set up expensive road blocks to playing a friend’s game, or God help you… a used game (you make me sick). You want to input a serial number every time you buy a new game. You want a console that gets pissy and stops playing games if you haven’t connected it to the internet in a day.
As we all know, the television has been struggling for quite some time to become a mainstream device. Microsoft is hoping to change all of that though by adding another piece of hardware to your TV-viewing experience. An anonymous spokesperson said that Microsoft is “pretty sure it’ll work this time.” The company wasn’t sure if gamers would open up to the TV experience Xbox One provides, so the company tactfully force-fed the idea to audiences around the world during the entire conference.
At this point it should already be clear that the Xbox One is the console for you. If you thought you were watching TV before, you can just shut the hell up because the Xbox One is about watching TV the way it was meant to be watched: under Microsoft’s control. No longer will you have to fiddle around with confusing remote controls with numbers and buttons all over them. Now changing a channel is as easy as shouting to your TV: “Xbox, turn to pornography.” In the age of Siri, talking to your technology is no longer a pipe dream- it’s mandatory.
How excited are you for the Xbox One and all of its cool features/requirements? Do you like TV? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!
