Just a couple of dudebros hanging out.
“Do you even lift?”
It’s the four words that every self-respecting guy dreads, and how many times when playing Call of Duty has some smart mouthed brat with the calf muscles of a Paralympian put you in your proverbial place with such a rhetorical question?
Rhetorical because the only way to prove that you do even lift is by quitting Call of Duty and starting a Kinect call. But no longer! Thanks to the malleability of Windows 8-Xbox One Edition, you can simply call the snotty nosed brat on Skype mid-headshot and start flexing in front of the camera.
On top of that, thanks to the great size and weight of the console, Microsoft has seen fit to include an accelerometer: “It was either the accelerometer or backwards compatability [sic],” Peter Moore confirmed, “and I think Microsoft made the right choice; already we at EA Sports are putting a lot of focus on the accelerometer feature—perhaps combined with Kinect. For example, it would be possible to simulate head butting Nemenja Vidic while competing for a cross by hanging the console from the ceiling—the player would then jump, and head butt it as if going for the ball. This, combined with Kinect, will accurately calculate the severity of injury that the player has received and translate it into the game to help create the most immersive football experience we have yet seen.”
But this accelerometer can also be used to count the amount of times you have lifted the Xbox One, with achievement support confirmed, so if you’re not the talkative type you need only point the breaking-voiced twelve year old to your weight lifting score by way of your weightlifterscore which will run analogues to the televisionscore; it’s unclear whether gamerscore support will return.
But wait, there’s more: Dedicated television support for nutritional television shows, powerlifting fantasy league accessible mid-lift, and easy access to bodybuilding.com so that you can ask your bros if it’s gay or not to ogle other guys in the gym (it’s not, as long as you imagine they’re a chick when you’re fucking them) while you’re lifting your Xbox One and watching Dean Bowring in awe all at once.
It will also play videogames.
