Call me crazy, but I find it refreshing to play a game that accurately represents what it would be like to attempt a profession that I have absolutely no training in. So many games try to trick you into thinking that you could easily pilot a plane, or defend someone in court or even be a pretty kick ass goat. But not Surgeon Simulator, instead it accurately replicates what would happen if a bumbling fool like myself attempted to perform complex medical procedures on an unwitting and naive patient.
It would be an absolute disaster, a cluster fuck of monumental proportions, a malpractice suit in the making. I would probably flail around grabbing at whatever tool looked like it may do the job be it claw hammer, power drill or scalpel, hack away at the unfortunate bastard. caking myself in their blood and tossing unwanted body parts on the floor before accidentally sticking myself with the morphine, and then stand there watching the pretty colours whist my patient bleed out and died.
God that sounds grim. It’s also a fairly accurate description of my first attempt at heart surgery in Surgeon Simulator. However, it’s more Monty Python than Hostel. In fact the first time I played the game’s Brain surgery level I found myself yelling ‘Get Bits of Brain’ at the TV as I wailed on my patient’s exposed skull with a hammer.
Playing as well meaning, but utterly incompetent surgeon Nigel Burke you attempt to perform a series of five different procedures: three that were previously available in the PC version the aforementioned Heart and Brain Transplants as well as kidney surgery and improved versions of two additional operations introduced in the iPad version, eye transplant and finally a little dentistry in the tooth surgery.
Each operation is repeated in progressively harder and more ridiculous settings. starting in an operating theatre, before attempting to operate on Bob whilst running down an endless corridor as your implements of torture, sorry surgical tool are only available for a limited period before whizzing away, attempting to perform surgery in the back of an ambulance, before finally being abducted by aliens and forced to perform surgery on an alien in a Spaceship in zero gravity.
It’s silly, chaotic and a hell of a lot of fun, well it is to begin with at least. You see the biggest barrier to success in Surgeon Simulator is the fact that the controls are bloody terrible. Interestingly this isn’t the result of poor design or programming but a core part of the experience and designed in such a way to show just how much work actually goes into something as simple as picking up a pen and stabbing it into someone’s eye, as well as attempting to show the subtly of movement that is required when operating on the human body, and that without serious amounts of training your average person will never possess.
It feels more like trying to control a JCB than a hand, you move Nigel’s arm using the left stick, raise and lower it with L1, rotate his hand with the, right stick, or tilt controls if you really hate yourself, pinch his thumb and fore finger together with R1 and wrap the rest of his fingers around an object with R2.
Like using any piece of heavy machinery, being able to use it effectively or with any great degree of skill takes a lot of practice. It is possible to get through each operation in record time, without spilling a drop of Bob’s Blood and getting that coveted A+++ ranking. I know because I’ve seen videos on You tube of it being done.
Getting to this point must have taken these guys a lot of blood sweat, tears, a new TV or seven and the completion of court appointed Anger Management class because after failing the same operation for the millionth time, the game ceases to be amusing and just becomes a frustrating and rage inducing pain in the arse. There’s difficult, there’s Dark Souls and then there’s Surgeon Simulator.
For me this moment came whilst attempting a double kidney transplant. All was fine and dandy. After a bit of buggering about, I figured out where to cut in order to remove those troublesome vital organs that were getting in the way and removed the duff kidneys, all that was left was to place the fresh new ones in and the jobs all done. The problem is that not only do the bloody organs roll around but once you’ve dropped them in the fucking things are almost impossible to pick up again thanks to some serious detection issues. If either ends in the bottom left corner you may as well restart the whole damn op because you’re never going to finish it.
This would merely be annoying if everything was unlocked from the start, but the ops basically work like levels and you have to complete one before moving onto the next. Then do it all over again in the same order to unlock the next scenario that make the Operations even harder.
That’s not to say that it’s completely relentless and unfair, the game does give you a little help of discs unlocked after each operation that show you the correct tool you need to use to perform each operation. The biggest joke of all though is that this Idiots guide to surgery seems to arrive just after you’ve performed the operation contained in each volume. Still if you’re masochistic enough to try and go for the gold so to speak they’re an invaluable resource. So long as you can wrestle the floppy discs into Nigel’s computer.
It also makes for a rather marvelous party piece thanks to being one of those rare games that’s often more entertaining to watch as it is to play. Passing the controller round also negates a lot of the pent up fury that comes from attempting to play through the game by yourself. The booze probably helps a bit as well.
You’ll also be happy to hear couch co op via a new patch next week (27/8), turning it from an accidental party game to a fully fledged alternative to Cards Against Humanity.
Despite its foibles, (bloody kidney op grrrr), I still couldn’t help but fall for Surgeon Simulator’s charms. It may not be the best game at times, but it’s still a bloody brilliant joke a rather nice party piece and one of the most interesting and original games currently available for the PlayStation 4.
